And it came to pass that THE LORD did appear before the HIGH PRIEST of the Melanchthonkirche in the Schlesische Viertel of the City of Mayence and SPAKE unto him thus:
“Take thy quill and ink and get thee hence to the UMWELTBEHÖRDE (EPA/Environmental Authority) and place thy SIGNATURE on that piece of PAPYRUS that permits thee to place tablets of SILICON on the roof of MY place of WORSHIP in order to generate ELECTRICKERY to sell back to the NATIONAL GRID at an EXORBITANT price. And if thou art FLEET of FOOT, thou can LOCK this in for 20 YEARS and thy ROI shall be very PLEASING, even taking NPV into account.”
And the High Priest of the Melanchthonkirche did heed THE LORD and skedaddled to THAT PLACE with the papyrus and did place his SIGNATURE on the DEED.
And THE LORD was well pleased and said “Now thou seeeth that I am ALLKNOWING and I have set thee up QUITE NICELY, what with the SUBSIDIES and SUCH”
And the High Priest spoke to his FLOCK and said “How about THAT then? All my own IDEA (although THE LORD did give me a NOD and a WINK…) and the coffers of the CHURCH shall be filled with shekels for the next 20 years.”
But THE FLOCK said “KNOWETH thou not that this is all a SCAM and that we THE FLOCK art the BIG LOSERS in all of this, thou DEPP? For we THE FLOCK have to pay the TAXES for your SUBSIDIES. Where doth thou think it GROWETH – on trees? Doth thou not read the DAILY STONE TABLET? And when THE LORD maketh THE SUN shine, thy tablets of SILICON on the roof make more ELECTRICKERY than can be consumed, for who needs lights on in the MIDDLE of the DAY and thus the price of ELECTRICKERY falleth faster than a LEAD BALLOON on the European Energy Exchange to sod-all-and-threepence, but thou is PAID thy guaranteed price. Alright for THOU, but the said DIFFERENCE is whacked on our ELECTRICKERY bill”
And THE FLOCK did become very ANGRY and cast out the HIGH PRIEST, crying “Get thee forth, thou CRETIN, to where the SUN shineth NOT” and did beseech HE-WHO-MAY-NOT-BE-NAMED and did say “We have NUMEROUS souls on SPECIAL OFFER here and all we want in RETURN are a few cumulonimbi and SIMILAR on a REGULAR basis. If it’s not too much TROUBLE”
And HE-WHO-MAY-NOT-BE-NAMED did make a DEAL with the FLOCK and did cause cumulonimbi to appear and cast SHADOWS over the tablets of SILICON.
And the FLOCK was happy.
And THE LORD was less than PLEASED and waxed wrath and saith “Thou want CUMULONIMBI? I’ll give thou CUMULONIMBI! Thou shalt have CUMULONIMBI for most of MAY and all of JUNE and a bit LONGER too if I feel like it. And how about PRECIPITATION? Thou mentioneth NOT precipitation. That thou shalt have too. Buckets of it. And if thou PULLETH further TRICKS of this NATURE, I’ll be back with PESTILENCE and LOCUSTS and THOU canst READ all about what I have up my SLEEVE in KINGS and CHRONICLES…”
And here endeth the SERMON for today, the thirteenth day of JUNE in the Year of Our Lord [Ed: brown-nosing, I see…] MMXII